HogBook
by potato4
Summary: Hogwarts gets Facebook. "Dumbledore: lol Dobby taught me how to tlk online... whats up my homecanines? I totes speak their rad lingo." "Ron: THIS PLACE ABOUT TO BLO-OH-OHOH-OW!" Okay I know it's an overused idea but... I couldn't resist. XD


disclaimer- me no own harry potter.

see a/n below for explanation.

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_Hello and welcome to HogBook… please set up your account by entering the information below. _

**Name:** Harry Potter

**Birthday: **July 31, 1980

**E-Mail:** isavedyourlife wizmail . com

**Age:** 17

**Sex:** Male

**Please set up a password:**

******* * (Password strength: **Strong**)

**Please re-enter password:**

**Please enter a security question**: (Click **HERE** to read more about your security question)

What is the name of your childhood owl?

**Please type the correct answer to your question here: **

Hedwig

_CREATE MY HOGBOOK ACCOUNT _

_Status update: _

HARRY POTTER IS… setting up his HogBook nd WizTwitter nd Wandlr accounts. STupid muggle internet is confusing.

_Ron is online_

_Hermione is online_

Ron: well tht took way to long to set up.

Hermione: too, not to, ron

_Harry is online_

Ron: wow u cant even let go of grammar on hb chat can u?/?/

Harry: hb?

Ron: hogbook

_Draco is online_

Draco: omfg wtf is up w/ dumblrdors new rules i mean like it's like stfu old man no 1 cares. lol rofl lmao hahahhhahaaa

Hermione: …

Ron: …

Harry: O.e

Draco: sry i wuz readng pansy's manual on how 2 type muggle

Hermione: do u even know what half of those things meant?

Draco: pshhh duhh i do hermoine.

_Neville is online_

_Pansy is online_

_George is online_

Draco: wtf = who's the freak

stfu = shoot the fcking uglies

lol- lie out loud

rofl- reeks of fcking losers

teh other ones i just used cuz they sounded kewl

Pansy: *sigh* draco u loser… nd only girls ssay kewl

Ron: i say kewl!

George: case in point

Neville: why is draco even here?

Draco: cuz i want to b here u hve problems w/ that longbuttocks?/?

Neville: Dumbledore said no online bullying

Draco: nd i say bull$hit to dumbledore

_Dumbledore is online _

Dumbledore: wassup my homecanines?

_Snape is online _

_McGonagall is online_

McGonagall: *shakes head*

Snape: It's "home dog" Dumbledore, and no one even says that.

Dumbledore: R u kidding me, i totes speak their hip lingo. i am one with the radical teen.

Pansy: There draco, some1 else who read my manual wrong.

Dumbledore: watt manual? dobby taught me everything i know LOL

Harry: oh he did not just use lol…

Ron: how cud i not have noticed he was gay before?

Harry: Idk we all make practices

Harry: *mistkaes

Harry: **mistakes

Harry: omigod stupid autocorrect on my HogPhone. Dumbledore how did it even get practices out of mitkes?

Harry: *MISTAKES!1!11!1!

Dumbledore: omg idk harry i think it's totes effed up tho. snape go fix that its like screwy.

Snape: Dumbledore, I think we should talk about your manner of speaking…

Dumbledore: Don't be such a prude grammar freak.

Hermione: …hey… :(

Dumbledore: ooops LOL sry girlfriend, my bad.

_Dobby is online_

Dumbledore: hey-hey dobs, what's up G?

Dobby: I see u took my advice.

Harry: Dobby, I don't wnt u teaching Dumbedore how to talk anymore

Dobby: But harry…

Harry: No more.

McGonagall: I agree.

Dumbledore: ….shawty got it goin' on….

Pansy: O.o

Harry: …..

Ron: o.O

Hermione: … oh wow.

Dobby: ooh i 3 that muggle song Dumbledore!

Dumbledore: i have it stuck in my head! along wit that ke$ha chick… totally digging her…

Dobby: go insane, go insane, throw sum glitter make it rain on em

Dumbledore: let me see them hands, let me let me see them hands

Dobby: this place about to blow blow

Ron: THIS PLACE ABOUT TO BLO-OH-OH-OH-OH-OOOHOHOW

Ron: …sry, cudnt resist.

Harry: u kno that song? friendship officially ended.

Draco: *has image of dobby, dumbeldore, nd weasley all singing blow with kesha makeup on*

Draco: …

Draco: …

Draco: *dies from mental image*

Dumbledore: Don't be so overdramatic Draco…. anyway who wnts to hear some yo mamma jokes?

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long author's note:

okay so… let me explain. i got my wisdom teeth removed two days ago, and if you've ever gotten that done… you know it's not fun, and means days in bed with nothing to do except… well, except what you just read above. i'm kind of ashamed to post this but i got the idea from some of the other fics and i wanted to post my own.

i was thinking of doing chapters with wiztwitter (twitter) and wandlr (tumblr). should i?

umm on another note, my inkpop account is officially active. I am under the name "InsufferableKnowItAll" and I have two pieces posted. One is a short story, and one is a full-length book. I just started the book so i don't think you can read it yet (the site doesn't allow viewing until you've posted a certain amount of words) but it's about a girl who becomes pregnant in high school. it's not humorous like my usual work, but i think it could be going somewhere.

the short story is "the first time…" and the book is "little mistake".

thanks for bearing through my stupid boredom work! :)

~potato


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